you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
