I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
