Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
