I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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