I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
