I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
