And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I look better un-naked...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
