I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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