that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How external is "for external use only"?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
