i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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