I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
