I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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