I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
