You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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