Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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