Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
