i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
