maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
