TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
