Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
