i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
