I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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