I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
