Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
