I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's always time for handjobs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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