Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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