and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
