he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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