So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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