That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
