the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
of course. lets lasso hookers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
