Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
