i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
