Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
