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I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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