just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
