Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
