Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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