I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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