just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
