Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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