I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
