she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
