She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
how does that bad decision feel?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
