Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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