she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
