does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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