you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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