Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
