I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
