everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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