Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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