theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
