i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
