I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
