If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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