I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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