I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
